Women and Domestic Violence

Hey there, welcome to Non- fiction lounge. October is only two months away and I do well to remind us that it is a month set aside worldwide, as Domestic Violence Awareness(D.V) month.
In lieu of that, I went all out to research on domestic violence and what it constitutes. I hit jack pot with chunks of interesting information.

What do you know about Domestic Violence? 

In one way or the other we have all been affected by domestic violence. Directly; victims or abusers, indirectly; a relation or friend has been affected or we have heard about it through media channels.

P.s; my use of D.V in this paper is in respect of a marital set up and women as victims.

Domestic violence occurs also in courtship. However, I see no reason why any lady being abused by a partner outside of marriage refuses to walk away making a choice to stay put. The fear of what? That she will not find someone better? or the fear of building all over again?

In Nigeria, the Yoruba's especially have this phrase which I have heard spoken countless times whenever I happen to be at a Yoruba ceremonial function or in the company of Yoruba elders and friends. The women when referring to their husbands respectfully acclaim "Olowo ori mi!" it means "the one who owns my head, king of my head or simply put my husband; he who 'owns' me." It is a culture of acknowledging the authority of the man in the home and a womans submissive role(absolutely beautiful). However, such notions have helped in exposing women to domestic violence. Indoctrinating women with the belief that their role as wives is entirely subjective to their husbands. They are to be seen and not heard. 

Nigeria is a patriarchal society that grooms boys to become men who lord over women considering their wives to be purchased property. Hence whenever  abusers have the slightest feeling whatsoever of their authority being threatened they resort to power-play termed domestic violence.

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. It is any action of  a partner to intimidate, terrorize, humiliate, manipulate and damage the other partner in a relationship.

When we hear domestic violence, the first trail of thought in most minds(mine included) is women- being victimized. Quite true. However, guys also suffer domestic violence but that would be treated in another paper.
D.V is not restricted to physical abuse alone, it includes; emotional/psychological abuse, sexual abuse, economic abuse, etcetera.

Physical abuse are actions carried out by a spouse which hurts, scars, mars a womans body. It includes: hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, and forcing alcohol or harmful substances into the lady.

P.s; it has been proven that if your significant other raises a hand against you even once while courting, be rest assured he will do it several times over and when he marries you eventually. 

This is a heads up for those ladies who feel that if he hits you it is a proof of his love. Kudos to the other group of ladies who have been wired in one way or the other to believe that if your partner is not jealous in a relationship then he does not love you enough. Who taught you to think that way! excessive jealousy breeds domestic violence which will lead to severe injuries and in worst case scenarios death.

Emotional abuse: Domestic violence is not all the time physical. Just because a lady is not engaged as a punch bag does not mean she is not going through an abusive relationship. Ladies suffer from emotional abuse from their partners which is no less destructive. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is taken lightly and most times overlooked even by the person being abused. Emotional abuse chaffs away at every feeling of self worth and independence leaving the abused partner vulnerable and at the mercy of the abuser. It includes humiliation, name calling, isolation, intimidation, yelling and so forth.

There is Sexual Abuse also called Marital rape. Marital rape? How is that even possible? You maybe asking. Yes, there is such a thing as marital rape.

I once listened to a vox pop on a Nigerian television station. The host was out on the streets randomly asking people their opinion on sexual abuse in a marital relationship. Most people where befuddled the concept was too strange those who had knowledge about it dropped their comments. Most men who dropped comments stated that sexual abuse in a marital relationship was quite alien and impossible. They stated; taking into considerations the bride price, they fully reserved the right as husbands to demand sex whenever as they and even against her will even if it means forcing their partner to behave as it were she has no right to deny them.

Inasmuch as I found it amusing, it does not change the fact that unconsensual sex, coerced sex, degrading sexual activity, constitutes marital rape/sexual abuse and a part of domestic violence.

Economic Abuse: Is when the man has absolute control of the finances in the home and refutes the wife from having access. He controls hers; that is if he allows her to have any serious income source and any effort of hers made to better herself is intimidating to him so he ensures she remains at his mercy. 

       According to the African Journal of Reproductive Health(2005) a husband has the liberty to “violate and batter” his wife if he feels she has not adequately fulfilled her obligations. 

Domestic violence is a human right violation widespread around the world in Nigeria particularly, it shows no sign of abating. Although it's been quite difficult to establish concrete statistics, because most victims are too shy to talk about it and ashamed to seek help. 25 percent of women in Nigeria go through the ordeal of domestic violence silently because of the fear of societal instigation; a woman who cannot keep her home is seen as a failed woman. This is one of the reasons women sit tight in abusive relationships because they are afraid of what society will say.

Domestic violence constitutes  significant rates of mortality and morbidity. Mental health outcomes include; post traumatic stress disorders, low self esteem, anxiety, depression, sexual dysfunction and obsessive compulsive disorders. Women may also indulge in self destructive behaviors as a result of violence. 

Oyo State revealed that nearly 65 percent of educated women said they had been beaten by a partner, boyfriend or husband, while 56 percent of low income market women experience similar violence.

Domestic violence is recognised as a threat to societies. In Nigeria, legal provisions are made to curb this menace but funny enough there are still loop holes in the constitution that encourages domestic violence against women. The sharia law as an example which is applicable in the northern part of Nigeria specifically encourages violence  against women. Section 55(1)(d) of the penal code states that the beating of a wife for the purpose of correction is legal. 

Thankfully, In 2015  a federal law; violence against persons prohibition act, was enacted.The Nigerian Criminal Code Act of 1990 it postulates;

Section 360: – “Any person who unlawfully and indecently assaults a woman or girl is guilty of a misdemeanor and is liable to imprisonment for two years.”

Section 353: – “Any person who unlawfully and indecently assaults any male person is guilty of felony and is liable to imprisonment for three years. The offender cannot be arrested without warrant.”

In comparison of the two sections its clear that Nigeria is still strongly a gender biased society. 

Domestic violence will go a long way in being curbed if general orientation of every member of society is changed. The orientation that men should be strong, more powerful than women and never appear weak. The shame triggered by the idea that they are appearing weak or unmanly can trigger some men to become enraged or to act on violent impulses.

Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused, but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends and the community. Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are  predisposed to numerous social and physical problems. Noteworthy is that violence to them becomes a normal way of life therefore, increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers.

There are many signs of an abusive relationship. The most telling sign is fear of your partner. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around your partner, constantly watching what you say and do, your relationship is unhealthy and abusive. Other signs that you may be in an abusive relationship include a partner who belittles or tries to control, feelings of self-loathing, helplessness, and desperation.

If you are being abused or suspect that someone you know is being abused, do speak up. Do not hesitate. Abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. People who have been emotionally abused become depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet they have often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin a healing process.


Operation End Domestic Violence.